I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
