You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
