carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize