i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
