how can u be prego again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
