If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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