If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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