I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
