i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I intend to get homeless drunk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Blood and glitter go together right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
