why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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