dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
