Your tits are I can't wait for
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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