david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
