I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
