Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
