Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
