I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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