I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
