and you said cock pushups were impossible
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
