Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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