update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
