I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
