Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
