he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
