i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I didn't notice because vodka
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
