also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
