Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize