so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
