billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
