you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
