They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize