hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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