That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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