I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
