someone get that fucking seahorse.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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