but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
