I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
