Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want nice things and good sex
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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