As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize