i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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