btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
