I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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