Tell her she can't have a vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
