Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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