Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize