Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
