A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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