God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We have started to decorate penises.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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