A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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