Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
