thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
