apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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