repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
