your thong is hanging out like whoa
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
