You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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