The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
