That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
