guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
