She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize