Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
