You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
