I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
