The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
