I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
