You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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