Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
