Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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