he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
