Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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