i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
