I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
