i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
