So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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