Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
