I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
