WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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