I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
