He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
